Ah, Primark. The one place you can get a Topshop replica skirt for a fiver and lose yourself in an array of £1 patterned knickers, all whilst getting up close and personal with almost every other person in the store.
It's fabulous. It's brutal. It's cheap. But we wouldn't have it any other way. Here's 10 things every girl knows from shopping in Primark.
Hell hath no fury like a woman trying to find the last size 10 dress which isn't ripped or covered in foundation marks (utter bitches.) To survive in Primark you have to be quick and cunning. Steal those shoes when the woman turns her back for a moment, and hold them close in case someone else tries to do the same. We've all done it.
1. It's like the Hunger Games, but worse
2. It's just SO CHEAPLiquid eyeliner for a quid? Yes please. Pretty lingerie for just £4? That's going straight in my basket. Primark is literally cheaper than chips, however by the time you actually get to the till, you've amassed £200 worth of tat (and that's without scooping up some of the 'adorable' lip balms they've got in the queue.)
3. The bags are Satan incarnateHave you ever paper cut yourself on one of those hideous paper bags Primark use? It's messy AF. We girls totally understand that they want to be eco-friendly, save the whales and all, but those vile bags which disintegrate at the merest hint of rain are as much use as a chocolate tampon
4. Primark-itis is totally a thingWhen you've been in Primark too long, your tummy gets tight and you start to sweat. Is it the excitement of being in Primark? Is it the fear of being trampled? Or is it simply just wandering round a boiling store crammed with people for at least an hour? We will never know...
5. We don't need a unicorn onesie, but we want one
Actually sod that, we totally need a unicorn onesie. Wel'l just be soooo comfy and warm, until we trip on the built in feet and trip down the stairs (true story.) It's so fluffy I'm gonna die... literally.
They'll say they're hungry. They'll say they're tired. They'll try anything which will let them escape the vast realms of Primark ASAP. Do not let them get away with this. They are weak. Ignore their pleas and continue asking them whether they prefer the Tweetie Pie pyjamas or the Scooby Doo ones. They'll thank you one day (nah.)
6. Your boyfriend whines like a little bitch the entire time
I own a size 6 'Friends' slogan t-shirt. I also own a size 14 pair of jeans. I'm not ridiculously bottom-heavy, it's just that Primark seem to have a knack of making clothing fit nothing like the size they say on the label. This is why you always have to try stuff on, which takes me to the next thing...
7. The sizes are ridiculous
8. The queues are not for the faint-heartedYou queue for half an hour to try things on. You queue for another half an hour to pay. Hell, I've even queued to get in to Primark before, although it was at Christmas time (DON'T EVER GO AT CHRISTMAS OK?!) I'm pretty sure the attractions at Disneyland have shorter queue times than the Primark changing rooms. It's borderline un-godly.
It's called fast-fashion for a reason - you barely wear something twice before it falls apart or shrinks in the wash, but it's totally ok because it was only from Primark. It means you can buy more. Yay!
9. The quality SUCKS
10. It's a freaking messAll Primark stores look like a bomb site due to the sheer number of tween girls let loose on the £3 t-shirts. Likewise the yummy-mummies knocking things off shelves with their reinforced steel prams and not bothering to pick them up. I have yet to find a Primark even half as tidy as the New Look clearance section, and that's saying something.
Despite this, we all have a soft spot for Primark and its fabulous bargains.
What do you know to be true about Primark?