How To Be The Perfect Blogger

Friday, 16 September 2016
I got my nails done as a treat for myself on Saturday after a semi-hectic week at work, and it actually made me giggle how having nude pink nails made me feel like a 'real' blogger, despite not really being able to even type with them.

It got me thinking about what other blogging stereotypes there is, something I first touched on in my 'I drank coffee, am I a real blogger yet?' post wayyyyy back in March, so I came up with this post poking fun at all the blogger stereotypes out there.


HOW TO BE THE PERFECT BLOGGER


Post EVERY DAY


You can't be the perfect blogger unless you're super dedicated, so posting every day is an absolute must. No slacking on this is ever allowed, under no circumstances. You're sick? Shame 4 you. Write that post up, bitch. No pain, no gain is the blogging mantra.

Live an Instagrammable Life


As a blogger, you are a representation of everything bright and sparkly - your life should be the equivalent of a rose-gold Instagram quote. Having a bad day? Wrong! Suck it up honey and Snapchat yourself lounging in your white IKEA bedroom with the caption 'Love My Life', there's a good girl.

Look Like a Blogger


If you're not petite and pretty with a nose piercing and quirky flower tattoo, THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN READING THIS? Go away, get a manicure, and come back when you look like a cross between Amanda Seyfriend and Ellie Goulding, you'll suddenly realise just how much more popular you'll become!

Thou shalt drink Starbucks


Always. You can't be a proper blogger without a Pumpkin Spiced Latte in one hand and a Strawberry Frappuccino in the other, it's practically illegal. Being constantly hopped up on caffeine also means you'll maintain the bubbly, happy blogger demeanour that we can't allow to slip, it's a win-win.

Speak in acronyms


Knowing your LOL from your BRB just isn't good enough anymore. Being a blogger, the phrase "OMG that is totes amaze" should be as frequently in your speech as the word "sponsorship". How do you expect to be cool and relatable on social media if you talk like an old granny?

High-End EVERYTHING


Chanel perfume? Check. MAC makeup? Check. Rose gold Michael Kors watch? Double check. You simply can't be a blogger unless you constantly buy the best of the best, absolutely no exceptions. Basically, don't try to be a blogger if you don't have a sugar daddy funding you, LOL SOZ BABE.

Had a good giggle?
What other stereotypical things contribute to the perfect blogger?
27 comments on "How To Be The Perfect Blogger"
  1. LOL OMG this was totes hilarious.
    Wait what :-D
    Loved it !

    ~ Jasmin N
    Little Things With Jassy
    Bloglovin’

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha omg this is so funny!

    skinnydecxflatte.blogspot.com xo

    ReplyDelete
  3. This definitely made me smile and have a giggle!
    blossomofhope.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  4. Haha I loved this post! Your nails are gorgeous too - you're making me want to get mine done! :)

    Alice | Whiskey Jars Blog

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ok this weeknds to do list now looks like this:

    1. Spend all of my none existent money on make up
    2. Drink Pumpkin Spice Latte (and dn't tell anyone that it made me feel sick)
    3. Hack off half of legs (width and length) until classed as 'petite'

    Thanks for giving such actionable to do points! Although hacking off my legs doesn't sound too instagrammable UNLESS I turn my blood rose gold?

    This was amazing haha xx

    www.acupofcreative.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  6. This actually made me laugh so much!!

    - chloetommo.co.uk xo

    ReplyDelete
  7. Haha this is great!

    Really put a smile on my face and kicked me up the butt!

    nolovelike.blogspot.com

    ğŸŽ 

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lets not forget candles! You must own NEOM or Diptyque that are about £90 a pop.
    Haha - great post!
    JH | hellojenniferhelen.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LMAO ...true....I still get my B&BW candles...would never spend $90 on a candle that would last 2 days in my house

      Delete
  9. This is so. funny. Thanks for giving me a laugh!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Loved this post! Only half way through did I actually realize that it's meant for a giggle and I don't actually have to run to Starbucks in the rain!
    B x
    https://farmerswifeblog.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hahaha love this post! I think i'd be a complete maniac if i tried to post everyday. I couldn't cope with it!
    Jen | Giveaway | Velvet Spring

    ReplyDelete
  12. I love love love this! I used to be so upset over Starbucks because is not available in my country and it felt too bad, lol!

    xo,
    Not Your Type Blog

    ReplyDelete
  13. OH dear, im petite and have just got my nose pierced and i'm partial to a starbucks every now and then. WHY AM I NOT MORE POPULAR. :')

    Lovely post chick! Made me giggle indeed!

    Beverley xx
    www.beverbeeee.com

    ReplyDelete
  14. Haha I love a satirical post about blogger cliches!! This was a particularly good one, OMG WELL DONE BBZ TOTES LEGIT AMAZE.

    I wrote a similarly vibed post the other day that you might enjoy haha.
    Teri-May xx

    http://www.acupoft.co.uk/2016/09/blogger-hunting-how-to-catch-blogger.html?m=1

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oops... I haven#t posted for like two weeks. One point off.

    I do have a nose piercing though, so that evens it out. ;-)

    Love this!

    Paula http://insertmyblognamehere.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. Here's one - Never take a shot for instagram of your chilled day at home unless it is of your legs bent at some off angle with a cup of tea in the middle.
    :)
    Amy at Amy & More

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Those images are littered all over Tumblr and Pinterest too. Many of them are lovely in composition, but they do make me even more self-conscious about my legs. :-)

      Delete
    2. Ha! Those images are littered all over Tumblr and Pinterest too. Many of them are lovely in composition, but they do make me even more self-conscious about my legs. :-)

      Delete
  17. Hahaha oh no, I'm petite (short) and have a nose ring and tattoo of flowers on my arm! Damn it. This post did make me chuckle though.

    http://www.scarletstate.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  18. This definitely made me laugh! Blogger stereotypes are so ridiculous and unrealistic x

    Eww.eleaanormay.com

    ReplyDelete
  19. Most of this post I can laugh at, but is it terrible to admit that when I was looking for an apartment 99% of my criteria was based around its instagramableness..

    Jessica | seeweardo.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  20. HAHA! I love this post <3 xx

    Monnii || monniiblogs.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm still relatively new to blogging, but I get this! especially about the posting haha x

    www.sheintheknow.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  22. Amazing post hh.you forgot about the marble addiction xo

    Todaysouhaila.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

Every single comment means so much to me, thanks for making me smile! :)

sig

sig