So the other week when scouting for a notebook to jot some blog post ideas down in, I came across a few diary entries from March 2015. I sat down and read through them, and I actually felt a lump in my throat. I wanted to cry flicking through the pages where 17 year old me had poured her heart out.
It was this time last year I was going through a messy break up, and reading through the entries actually upset me a great deal. I'm so much stronger now than I was then, and those entries made me want to share this post with you all today about no matter how you currently feel, it will get better.
If you are reading this, I understand how you are feeling, and the first thing I would like to say is it is okay to cry. I repeat, it is okay to cry. You are upset, and it is a natural response to sadness, no matter what your parents or friends say. What is never okay is to blame yourself. You are upset because your relationship has ended, not because there is anything wrong with yourself as a person.
You may wondered why the relationship had to end. You could have asked your ex several times over, each time their answer being different. They have blamed themselves, they have probably blamed you (the bastard!) But the answer is simple. You were just not compatible. This may have come in different forms, maybe you wanted more from the relationship than he did, or maybe he had little habit that got on your nerves constantly. This does not make you a bad person, and it does not make him a bad person. It just means that you may not be as suited to each other as you first thought. This may be after days, weeks, or even months of being together. But as I said before. Do not blame yourself.
Of course, there are situations where he is to blame (obviously.) These situations include if you have been cheated on, verbally/emotionally/physically abused, compulsively lied to, or if he has consciously made you feel unsafe or insecure about yourself. An example of this would be calling you names, making fun of your weight, or making you look stupid in front of other people. These are his decisions, and he is to blame.
Listen up girl, you are allowed to get angry. When you stop feeling upset, and start feeling angry about how he may have treated you, this is an awesome feeling. It is best to get to this stage as fast as possible, even if to just stop yourself feeling upset and to become stronger. I would recommend making a list of every argument you can remember, every time you have felt irritated by his actions. Reading through this list will definitely put you in a bad mood, and you will start to question how you let yourself be treated so badly for however length of time. Do not mull over this, it's over now. You escaped!
How you vent your feelings is extremely important. You can bitch to your friends, parents or cat, but you should not post anything online. You do not want everyone knowing your business. Be wary of anyone who messages you asking for details, they may seem genuine, but in some cases they are just looking for gossip. The same goes for stalking him. I know first-hand just how tempting it is to just have a little 'check' every now and then just to see what they have been posting. Don't do it. Just block him, and block his best friend. That way he shouldn't be appearing on your newsfeed anytime soon (yay!)
If you have been broken up with, then he currently holds power over your emotions. Do not allow him to do this. You do not have to win him back, or beg for his affection again. Think of it as if he has lost the best thing that happened to him. You are still beautiful and intelligent, he was lucky to have you and he has thrown away his chance. By thinking like this, the power is 'shifting' and you are taking control. If he comes back asking for another chance, you have the power. It is your decision. Hooray for girl power!
To finish up, here's a little secret - I started this blog because I had just been through a break up. I was no longer angry, or upset. Just bored. I had become so used to spending my time with someone else, I had forgotten how to enjoy my own company. This was teamed with my love of 'treating' myself (spending large sums on money and pretending I deserve it) and so I decided I could make it my hobby. It made me happy, writing about the lovely things I had bought, and knowing it was interesting to other people made it even better. So do something that makes you happy, whether that is buying that new top you've seen in New Look, eating your favourite foods, having a film marathon or splashing out on a manicure.
One year later...
It has been a year since I first went through a messy breakup. I felt like my world had been turned upside down and just didn't know what to do with myself. But look at me now. I'm so much happier than I was a year ago, I'm stronger too. I'm in a new relationship with the kindest, most loving guy on the planet, despite a year ago thinking I would never feel myself again.
So here is a promise from me. You will feel better. It may take weeks, or months, or even a year, but I promise, you will be okay.
And remember, you are not broken. You've only broken-up. You will be okay.
All my love, Alice